PSA: The Word "NO" as a Complete Sentence Part 1
The Golden Rule states, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. This is a guiding principle for a many people, including myself. As such, I feel a sense of obligation to be there for the people that I love whenever they need me. This applies even if I’m not otherwise required to do so. While I don’t do things for people specifically looking for something in return, I would hope that these people would similarly be there for me if the tables were turned. This runs pretty deep for me. Because my love language is “Acts of Service”, I feel loved when people look out for me but this is also how I express love for others. I sometimes even go so far as to anticipate what a person might need before they can even ask for it so that I can volunteer that assistance. I’m actually very close with some people that operate the same way. If this resonates with you, you’re gonna want to keep reading.
It feels really good to help people but the reality is that you can only do what you can. There may come a time when someone needs something from you, and you have to say no. It could be because you don’t have the means of helping, you might be able to assist but doing so would be an inconvenience or hardship for you, or you might just genuinely not want to. Here’s the thing:
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO TO PEOPLE. FURTHER, YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF.
This may sound like common sense to some but, it’s a lot easier said than done for a lot of people.
It is second nature for some people to just do for others. Who wouldn’t want to be a blessing to others? The unfortunate truth is that a lot of people habitually do for others and are taken advantage of as a result. Some of these people are oblivious to the fact that they are being used while others may be aware because they can feel the sting of it. These feelings are not enough to make them comfortable with saying no. Even if they do say no, there’s a certain guilt that plagues them. They might even renege on the no based on their own guilt or due to being manipulated into changing their mind.
DISCLAIMER: I am not at all suggesting that you should never do anything to help anyone. I also contend that a negative response doesn’t have to be a nasty one.
This is all about setting boundaries, which every person has the right to do. Setting boundaries is an important part of self-preservation. Are people really crossing the line if they don’t know it exists? They are in theory. But is it their fault if they were never told where the lines were? It is very possible for you to firmly and politely state what you will and will not do without having to explain why. Guilt might have you inclined to explain yourself, but it may also send the message that you are willing to negotiate the terms of your boundaries with people that struggle with respecting the boundaries of others. That would totally defeat the purpose of setting them in the first place.
This may feel uncomfortable at first but that’s how growth works. You’ll be stronger because of it.
Did any of this hit home for you? I challenge you to do some self-evaluation. You may find that you need to draw clearer lines. Protect your peace.
